A couple of years ago, my husband and I bought the Insanity DVDs, because we had been sucked in by those infomercials you get when up feeding a baby before proper telly starts. All these buff, radically transformed people were preaching about how it’s changed their bodies/lives FOREVER, while we sat watching in our milk-stained dressing gowns with our red-tinged eyes. It was a powerful combination.
If you’re not aware of Insanity, it’s a hardcore 9 week programme consisting of several different workouts (I’m too lazy to even walk two metres to retrieve the case and find out exactly how many. Irony.) You do 6 workouts a week with one blissful day of rest.
The host of this programme is Shaun T -so cool he doesn’t even need a proper surname. He’s an affable and likeable chap, although one whom you would gladly punch in the face after one of his workouts.
We got up every morning at 6am and squeezed in a workout before our 8 month old woke up. Sometimes he woke up early and watched us warily from his bouncer.
Let me say this now, before you think I’m a total knob. I am so, so shit at keeping any kind of fitness routine. Committing to something like this was totally out of character but, you know…the infomercial. Also, I married a ridiculously motivated and determined man who definitely pushed us both to keep going. Funnily enough, I often felt like punching him in the face too.
Long story short, we did it. I often wanted to give up. I occasionally hated my husband for having more will-power than me. I once wept actual tears in the middle of a “suicide drill”.
But I did it.
Through baby-disturbed nights (many), hangovers (two) and early morning reluctance (every day), I completed the whole thing. And did I feel good? Yes. Did I want to get right back on it and do round two of Insanity before I lost all motivation? No. Obviously not.
Since baby number 2, I have been observing myself in an almost detached, morbidly fascinated way as I hoover up leftovers of the kids’ meals, reach for sugary treat after sugary treat to “keep my energy up” and generally just shovel in food without any thought for the consequences. But consequences there are and it was thus I found myself, with great trepidation, reuniting with my old friend Shaun T last week.
I just picked any old DVD from the box at random (kind of. The first one I selected was ‘Pure Cardio’ which is what they make you do in hell. So that went back.) I began. I sweated profusely. I had to pause several times for extra water breaks/to beg for mercy). BUT! It was going OK! I was managing better than I thought I would!
It wasn’t until halfway through I twigged.
This particular DVD is the one you do in the “recovery week.” You’re barely meant to break a sweat and there I was barely able to breathe. It was a sobering moment.
But it’s fine. I’ve seen this other infomercial. It promises a programme that will fit in with my busy lifestyle and deliver amazing results with minimum effort. I’ll let you know how I get on.