- When you sit down to watch a film, you spend 85% of the time trying to figure out where you’ve seen that actor before. Or heard their voice (Sarah and Duck is far too menacing a watch for me now after BBC’s second series of The Missing). You also spend a good chunk of time musing out loud “God, what has he been in? He looks so familiar. I just can’t think”. Thus ruining the viewing pleasure for yourself and any other companions.
- You can no longer work technology. Sure, your mum turned to you when you were 7 if she needed the VCR to record two programmes at different times. You were ON YOUR GAME. You accepted that your parents were Just Too Old for all this shizzle, and enjoyed the feeling of power. Nowadays, you swear technology is moving much faster than it did back then. A warning, my friends; that’s what our elders said about the Walkman.
- You get annoyed when you go to a bar (rare) and there’s nowhere to sit. And if you do manage to find somewhere, it’s right under a speaker. The music is a bit too loud, people are a bit too shouty and, really, you just want to be at home watching a box set before retiring to bed at a reasonable hour.
- You think Adele swears too much.
- You want to go to Glastonbury to say you’ve done it and to tick it off your bucket list. But you really, really don’t want to.
- The best music to listen to is the music from your youth. You start listening to Absolute because they play the widest selection of 90s tunes. You call songs “tunes.”
- A cup of tea genuinely solves 98% of all problems and is the most welcoming and relaxing part of your day.
If you are experiencing 5 or more of these afflictions, you are officially getting old. Best get the kettle on and ask your 3 year old to find you something on Netflix.